


Jasper and The Quest Of Finding Self-Worth and Happiness

by TheAmazingBlaze45



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amethyst and Jasper Bond, Awkwardness, Developing Friendships, Don't argue with me you know it, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, I'm giving Jasper the happy ending she deserved and needed, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Jasper is determined and relunctant, Jasper joins the Nerd Side Later On, Mean Lapis has a Bone to Pick, Night Terrors, Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Revenge, Sister-Sister Relationship, Something's up with Bluebird, Takes place within Future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAmazingBlaze45/pseuds/TheAmazingBlaze45
Summary: So, Steven had just left Beach City. Everyone and every gem are still a bit sad about his departure, but they are all still determined to continue following his message for peace and love. Meanwhile, the Crystal Gems are still running Little Homeschool in order to help gems use their abilities for good, and the Diamonds and Spinel have returned to Homeworld.Everything and everyone is doing fine... well, all except one orange nose gem.Jasper is having a bit of a rough time now that Steven, a once proclaimed new purpose, is now gone. With no one to protect and serve, what is a gem like her to do in these peaceful circumstances?As it turns out, a whole lot of things. If she's willing to drop her guard and try them at her own pace.From awkward reunions to attempts at trying new things, Jasper's reluctant determination is the key figure in driving her to try and see what else lies beyond.And if all comes crashing down on her? Well at least you can't say she didn't try.
Relationships: Amethyst & Jasper (Steven Universe), Bismuth & Jasper (Steven Universe), Eyeball & Jasper (Steven Universe), Famethyst & Jasper (Steven Universe), Garnet & Jasper (Steven Universe), Jasper & Connie Maheswaran, Jasper & Greg Universe, Jasper & Lapis Lazuli & Peridot (Steven Universe), Jasper & Other Gems (Steven Universe), Jasper & Pearl (Steven Universe), Jasper & Pink Diamond's Original Pearl | Volleyball, Jasper & Spinel (Steven Universe), Jasper & The Diamonds
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Jasper and The Quest Of Finding Self-Worth and Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say off the bat, the ending to Future was... to put it honestly, a bit lacking.  
> It was fine, what with Steven healing and everything, but then there's Jasper who didn't get a good ending at all and was pretty much left behind.  
> So, I'm writing this fanfic to fix that!  
> I hope you guys enjoy it and criticism is much needed!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”  
> ― Jonathan Safran Foer  
> "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."  
> -Aristotle
> 
> Jasper's thoughts are like a newly-installed program, specifically made for happiness and her own self-worth. Unfortunately, it never loaded properly after Pink Diamond's "death", and it's even worse now that she's at Little Homeworld and under the prying eyes of other gems...

He was gone...

Just like that...

Just... gone, as if not just a few months ago she had sworn him as her diamond, recognized his strength as she felt her form disappear before darkness consumed her vision, and as she spent a whole three days with him to help hone in his strength so that they could have a proper rematch...

And now this...

She wasn't even sure what led to him suddenly decide to leave this small beachside place. Any attempt of trying to gather any information was met with silence and side glances from gem to gem for a whole minute until she left in a frustrated huff, growled, and stomped away so that she didn't destroy the whole place(she already had to deal with angry yelling from the Bismuth about leaving holes in the buildings of Little Homeschool, and she WAS NOT in the mood for anymore).

It just wasn't fair.

She at least deserved to know something, ANYTHING about the entire situation at hand! At the very least, she could have provided some form of protection to her diamond! She could have been useful!

But no... That didn't happen. Instead, the moment she emerged from that cramped bathroom no longer shattered to the moment Steven had left for what she presumed was Homeworld, the runt-er, Amythest and the Pearl were bombarding her with questions and accusations of sorts that she had... DONE something to him. The nerve of those two! The only one who didn't seem to harbor any ill will(well, even if she did, Jasper couldn't tell), was the fusion known as Garnet who just... stared at her before looking away.

It became too much, so she left. Just barely restraining herself from slamming the door hard as her " **sister"** yelled at her something unintelligible through the steaming anger and... another feeling she was having. What was it... was it... sadness? Hurt? Why was it throbbing in her? She hated it!

Whatever this whole thing was, she didn't like it and thus had headed back to her cave for some peace, and maybe even removing the ever returning foliage enemy from her turf...

Well, at least that WAS the plan. Unfortunately, she didn't anticipate how much damage was made to her home after the battle. The sight of rubble, a crater in place of where she stood and just, in general, the whole area looked like it had been struck by the Dia... by a large asteroid. Yep, like a very large, pink asteroid that had crashed into her home and decimated it nearly completely.

And it wasn't like she didn't try to fix it up and make it presentable! She did! It wasn't her fault that every time she picked up a small rock it crumbled in her hands and turned into small pebbles! Rocks were supposed to be strong! Tough! Unbreakable...ok usually, unless the proper force was placed upon it, but her point still stood!

This was why she(after having demolished the rest of it) had found herself sulking back to Little Homeworld. It was quite possibly the only place that she can think of due to how close it was to her Diamond... Even if the whole place was a walking fireball of positivity and gems believing that no war was coming.

"Yeah... and yet look where I am now..." Jasper muttered to herself as she stood outside, arms crossed as she watched the gems attending walking along in groups, some smiling and talking as they passed by her without a second glance(and if they did notice her, they would quicken their paces and move faster to avoid her).

Scowling, she took her eyes off them as she relaxed with a bit of a sigh on her breath, her facial expression became straight as she found herself leaning against the walls of one of Little Homeworld's buildings with a gentle 'thud' as her eyes looked around. In all honesty, she just wanted to run away and hide away into the forest like she used to do, allowing only the noises of whatever those things with feathers were and the breeze of the wind whip around her, not the sound of gems laughing and giggling, talking either too loudly or in hushed tones as if they could all walk in a carefree fashion and not worry about... well, anything!

' _They're ignorant. They can pretend that everything will turn out fine and dandy, but I won't. I can't,_ ' Jasper thought as she closed her eyes, the talking and footsteps faded from her hearing as her shoulders started to relax...

THUNK!

Jasper's eyes shot open as she felt something small hit her boot, a scowl beginning to form once again on her face as she looked down at the source: The Heaven Beetle who was currently on her rump, with the Earth Beetle kneeling next to her as she tried helping her up, as the two of them slowly looked up at Jasper, a slight shiver running through their bodies as Jasper's face got close to theirs, her teeth bared.

" _What are you two staring at? Never seen a gem minding her own business_ ," Jasper said in a low voice as the Beetles were now violently shaking, struggling to say something before Jasper continued, " _What's the matter with you two? Did a Destabilizer get your tongues? Cause if you don't have anything to say to me, then get up and get **OUT** of my sight_. **_NOW_**."

The Beetles quickly got up and ran, with the Earth Beetle carrying the Heave Beetle bridal-styled, leaving little dust clouds in their wake as Jasper snorted, lifting her upper body as she crossed her arms before stopping slightly, her own body now shuddering as she felt... _something_ looking at her.

Reacting quickly, she whipped her head around to see that the other gems that were now looking at her with wary expressions and apprehensive frowns as they either stared at her with fear or were busy whispering to one another in low voices... though not as low as they thought as Jasper heard them.

_"...what's wrong with that Jasper?"_

_"...why did she just yell at those gems?..."_

_"...those poor gems..."_

_"what crawled up her gem..."_

_"she didn't have to be mean..."_

The whispers continued, making Jasper bawl her hands into fists with each tone as her teeth gritted against one another as a nagging feeling began in her mind. It was almost like she was... she was... she couldn't explain it. It felt... awful. It was like it was pushing against her chest and threatening to weigh her down and crush her almost in an unexplained manner, making her just want to lash out.

 _'_ _Why are they upset? Are they seriously upset about those bugs? Geez, it's not like I stomped on them or anything!'_ Jasper thought, trying to calm down as she felt her head shoot up, a harsh glare stretching over her face as she let out a primal growl.

"AUGH! WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU STARING AT?! DON'T YOU ALL HAVE BETTER THINGS TO BE DOING," she screamed as the gems stopped whispering, flinching at the volume of her voice before either going back to what they were doing in a rush or just plain rushing out to get away from her. 

Jasper breathed in and out heavily as the gems scattered, her mood now completely soured as she stomped away from the building where she was just leaning from, imprints from her boots being left behind as she pushed past several gems and humans who were minding their business, making them hit the ground in the process as she gritted her teeth in frustration, before suddenly pausing as an inner voice suddenly began talking.

 _'What are you so mad about? Because of a couple of gems judged you for acting like a jerk,'_ the voice said, sounding a bit harsh as Jasper scoffed.

_'Oh don't even scoff. You know, just because Steven left you doesn't mean you get to act like a jerk. You're in a safe place, surrounded by gems just like you, and instead of taking the time to get to know them, you push them away like their pests... Even though it's only you.'_

"Yeah right," Jasper scoffed, not caring one bit if she looked weird talking to no one in particular as she continued, "You're saying it as if I'm the problem here. I'm just minding my own business here... besides, it's not as if I threatened to shatter those gems..."

 _'Well you might as well did,'_ the voice retorted to her, _'You have an opportunity, a **chance** to __be better, to learn, and be the person you should have been... But no. Instead, you choose to be the same gem that you were before you were corrupted. What will it take for you to **change** and do better?'_

"Hey! I didn't come here to sing happy songs and gather flowers and all that nonsense. I only came here because my previous shelter was destroyed-"

 _'And after Steven invited you here so that you can wait for him and perhaps actually try to heal. Instead, you're closing yourself off to others, though let's be honest, you've already been doing this since Pink Diamond faked her shattering,'_ the voice said sharply as Jasper remained silent, gripping her fist tightly.

' _You use the shattering as an excuse for why you don't get close to other gems but that excuse means nothing_ _**now**. Her son was here and ready to help you, but you pushed him away and thus he ended up leaving you...'_

"...Be quiet..."

_'Amethyst was happy that you were healed at last. She attempted to try and bond with you, get to know you better, but you pushed her away and guessed what happened, she gave up on you...'_

"...Shut up..." 

_'And let's not even get into the culprit herself, **Pink Diamond herself.** '_

Jasper felt her breathing start to hitch as that name was spoken, letting out an audible gulp as she started shivering, her own body now facing a current unfinished building situated towards the beach itself.

_'Pink Diamond, the gem who couldn't even bother to tell you her dirty little secret and let you believe that she was truly shattered...'_

"Stop it..."

_'Pink Diamond, the gem who played pretend and fought against you as shatterer and protector of the earth Rose Quartz...'_

"Shut it...!"

_'Pink Diamond, the gem who let you mourned and grieved for her while she was free to do what she wanted when she wanted, leaving you behind like garbage. And yet, you take your anger out on other gems, gems who have done nothing to get you all riled up, gems who were just trying to live, gems who were in mourning just. like. you...'_

"AUGH SHUT UP," Jasper shouted, her fist making contact with the building in question, causing small cracks to form in the surface as she kept punching, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!! YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE ITS EASY TO JUST CHANGE, BUT GUESS WHAT?! IT'S NOT EASY AT ALL! NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, NO MATTER WHAT I CAN DO, SO HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST DROP MY GUARD AND TRY?! IT'S. NOT. POSSIBLE!!!!"

Jasper let out one final yell as she summoned her helmet and headbutted the building, the cracks building up more and more, causing Jasper to pause as she felt some debris fall onto her helmet before looking up. Jasper's eyes widen at the giant crack beginning to form in the surface before the building came tumbling down, large and heavy chunks flying around and dust clouds surrounding the area as gems and humans paused, gasping in horror at the sight as Bismuth came rushing in.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?! IS SOMEONE HURRRRRRR..." Bismuth started to yell before taking note of the crumpled building as her hands flew to the sides of her head, clutching violently at her rainbow-colored dreads as she tried to find her words.

"I-Wha-Ngh-Uggg-W-WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS," she finally yelled out as the dust started to clear, revealing Jasper, who at the moment removed her helmet as she stood frozen in place. Bismuth, upon taking notice of her, narrowed her eyes in anger as she stomped up to the orange gem.

"YOU! What the heck Jasper?! I get that you're not happy being here, but did you have to take it out on the building?! You could have seriously injured someone," Bismuth began scolding her as Jasper just remained frozen in place, the voice beginning to speak to her once again.

_'Wow. Really? So just because I pointed out some things, that was your cue to just started breaking things apart? Geez, you are really-"_

"GAUGH! WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING?!" Jasper screamed, causing Bismuth to pause and look offended at what she said.

"Oh geez, it CAN'T be because you just decimated that building for no apparent reason! I mean, come on Jas- HEY!"

Bismuth's words died out as Jasper suddenly bolted from her, tearing at her head as she ran through Little Homeworld, leaving cracks in the ground. Bismuth wanted to chase after her, but as the building behind her was currently falling to pieces, she had to focus her attention on keeping it from falling further, using her strength to catch any remaining stones falling with her teeth gritted against one another.

"Heyo Bismuth," a voice called out, the source revealing it to be Amethyst who was walking up to her with her eyes closed as she continued by saying, "I couldn't help but notice some gem gathering, so I figured I come over and see if I can- whoa. What happened here," Amethyst asked, concerned as she summoned her whip and wrapped it around the building, keeping it up temporarily as Bismuth pushed the rocks off to the side, letting out a groan as she looked at Amethyst.

"Who else but Miss Moody?" Bismuth responded, grimacing at the unfinished work that lay ahead of her, all the while Amethyst rolled her eyes but kept silent as Bismuth continued, saying in a much gentle tone, "Amethyst, I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe..."

"If this is about trying to talk to her, forget it. I tried getting her to open up and she refused, so what's the point of trying if she's just going to be a stubborn jerk about it?" Amethyst asked, a bit curt as she gripped the handle of her whip tightly.

"I know, but, this we can't keep having her breaking buildings apart and leaving cracks everywhere! These can seriously harm not only gems but humans as well!"

"What part of 'I've tried' did you not understand?! Ugh, it was hard enough trying to talk to her when Steven was here, it's probably going to be even worse!"

"Well, how do you know if you don't try now,” Bismuth asked, getting tired of having to repeat herself.

"Bismuth, no offense, but how exactly can I convince a gem who insults, berates, and ignores all attempts to heal? Please explain to me cause right now, I can't think of anything."

"I...I...Ok, so I don't know! But hey, she's here, she has nowhere else to go, maybe this could be your chance to get through to her," Bismuth explained, shrugging as she exhaled, noticing that, while the building was now back to stage one of its construction, at least no more pieces were falling.

Amethyst remained silent as Bismuth turned to her, eyes soft as she moved towards her before saying, "I'm not saying you have to make her a friendship bracelet and invite her over to brunch and stuff, but... I-It might be a fresh start for you two. As you said, you two are like sisters in a way, and if there is anything I learned from hearing the Pizza Twins and that Sour Cream fellow, is that no matter how much your sibling can and might mess up, it's never too late to make up and mend the bond. I think if Jasper was given a second chance-"

"100th chance."

"What?"

"100th. M-me and Steven have tried so many times to talk to her, though technically I gave up around the fifty-something time-"

"Ok ok ok! I get it. What I was saying was, I think if you gave Jasper a hundred and one chance, this could be the chance to get to know her better. If you don't want to, well that's understandable. But if you do, maybe you can finally get through to her," Bismuth finished as Amethyst looked up at her before looking off to the side, her hand running through her hair as she scowled.

"Ugh, I am so going to regret this... Which direction did Jasper head off into," Amethyst asked in a gritted tone.

"Uh, that way," Bismuth pointed towards the direction as Amethyst looked off into that direction.

"Ok... Please don't tell Pearl and Garnet where I went," Amethyst pleaded, while Bismuth looked at her confused.

"Uh ok, but why exactly-" Bismuth was interrupted as Amethyst ran off in that direction, leaving small dust clouds behind her. Bismuth looked off in her direction as she scratched her head.

"Geez, why do Quartzes run so fast? *Sigh* Regardless, maybe Amethyst knows what to say and do," Bismuth muttered to herself before the sound of something crumbling behind her got her attention, causing her to shut her eyes tightly as she gritted her teeth.

"And she better know what to say, cause if she does not, I will do something that I'll probably **regret**."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to make this first chapter short, but hopefully, I will make it much longer in the next few chapters^^;  
> Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this first chapter!


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